Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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