I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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