Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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