she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize