he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize