saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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