All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are a genius and a whore.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize