So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize