Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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