"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
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I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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