trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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