I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize