and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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