he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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