Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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