This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize