Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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