and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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