but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize