just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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