oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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