Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize