Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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