I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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