you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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