There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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