BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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