Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize