it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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