Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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