We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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