I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
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Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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