She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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