I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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