Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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