it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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