If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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