time to smoke my breakfast
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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