Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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