I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize