So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize