Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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