What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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