Yo dont text me then not text me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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