somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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