It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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