When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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