How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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