she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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