She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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